Darkness surrounds me,
Thought I was in bed;
What, what happened what's going on in my head??
Something is stirring, my vision is blurring;
***
My mind is going into another weird place,
What is this, where am I??
I think I just died;
People are crying, running away,
I'm not going to run, I am here to stay;
The evil master of this world,
Coming closer, I stand my ground,
Ready to fight, soon, Satan, comes into sight
***
Words of Black Magic, come from his mouth
Torturing me, killing me,
I cannot flee;
Soon, likely, I am dead,
Only a spirit, on Earth in my stead.
22 comments:
Hola TheReaper here with Critique far too harsh!
"Ready to fight, soon, Satan, comes into sight
***" Satan?? i mean really. come on.
a tad trite.
"Torturing me, killing me,
I cannot flee;
Soon, likely, I am dead, "
you went from standing your ground to being tortured.....there was no opposition. the part about standing
your ground seems kinda akward its like building a castle and opening the front gate you know?
"I??" one, or three. seven is a nice number too.
"I think I just died;" again, you seem to die quite frequently lol
now that i have sad somethings i saw, i must say its not bad poetry, and that parts of it really shine(lol) idk not too bad, it loses the dark resonant feeling on white background though.....
yeah, i wrote that a while ago, i kinda just put it up therewith tweaking it a little.
thanks 4 the suggestions and comments, and i have a few questions. wat do u mean one or three seven is a nice number too??
most of these i wrote a while ago with my young, emo-ish mind, lol, jk. yeah, and a nother question i have is, wat do u mean by: it loses the dark resonant feeling on white background though..... i no the first part, but the second...??
*-Accey-*
lol okay so its old then?
your welcome, though i try not to be too harsh i may be sorry. what i meant was this when using question marks and periods, use either one, like "hello?" three "No!!!" or seven for ultimate emphasis "but......." but that you may ignore if you wish.
emo-ish mind lol. i meant that the poetry, when i critiqued it lost something in it when on this plain comment page. on the blog there is an atmosphere ya know? like if it had music, it be something slow, pulsing, like its alive. i just meant that you did good with the set up of your blog. :)
ok, about the number of periods or whatever.
and i dont think i can change this comment page, can i?? if i can please tell me ^-^ and maybe ill put music on now that u mention it... where do u think i could get codes on that??
p.s. whenever i use question marks, i usually do 2 just because its a habit i have and i like doing. ok bye.
well you could hack the comments page......(no comment)
lol um on your main page you CAN add music though.
just hit Edit profile, scroll down and put in a URL of the clip, like go to dogpile.com, audio and search the song name. take that URL and, like magi, you have music on your profile.i think i'll look for some nirvana.
ok thn. yeah oke doke.
oke dokey?
idk, im just weird sumtimes ^-^
dont worry, i noticed =]
yup, thats me.
the awesomeness that is accey
thnx ^-^??
lol your welcome?
lol, i didnt really get wat u sed.
which part?
"the awesomeness that it is accey" huh?? if u pur a comma in maybe it wud b more clear, if there was sopose to b 1...
no....no commas............
idgi....
im saying your awesome, whats not to get lol?
aww, thnx ^-^ hehe
your welcome! you deserve more praise!
lol, thnx.
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